Grief is only Suppressed Gratitude is written as an open door into another perspective of death. Not to show the lighter side, but to experience the gift of what massive loss can cultivate.
Grief Is Only Suppressed Gratitude can spark a light of inner self-love that holds the potential to illuminate the darkness and shine light through loss. By better understanding trauma, we have the power to heal from our grief in new and surprising ways.
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The phrase, “Trauma is really hard”, is an understatement. Taking a final in college is hard. Starting a new job is hard. Losing someone I love…. No, losing my mom. Now, that’s a travesty that uprooted me into automatic painstaking grief. On the outside, I lost my mom but no one told me that I would actually lose myself in the process.
You die too. (No one tells you that)
I died every time I picked up the phone and her voice didn’t greet me on the receiving line.
I died every time I walked by someone using the same Pantene conditioner and the smell brought me back to her getting ready in the morning.
I died and became unsure how I could continue my life with her absence.
I continued to become a shadow of my former self until a glimpse of self love trickled softly into my awareness, almost whispering, “come this way”.
I followed the voice shakily until faulting and starting fresh the next day, doing it all over again.
Sometimes that voice congratulated me for accomplishing a hard day without mom.
Sometimes that voice encouraged me to rest and let go of the struggle.
Sometimes that voice invited me to set up emotional boundaries from others who may not know the pain of losing a parent.
The voice was all me. Well, the true me. There was another version of ‘me’ that held anguish, anger, victimhood, shame, disappointment, entitlement, arrogance, and fear.
There were/ are many times I choose the other version with low feeling feelings and I throw the true me out the window, cursing it as it falls to the ground. I let the emotion run as it may and continue to forgive myself for its destruction.
I take time to honor myself, knowing that I choose to get back up and when I do, I firmly step two feet atop of the gravel of destruction that lay beneath my feet and pronounce the spot of chaos beautiful because of what it's made me and what it continues to provide during the growth of grief, knowing it's all benevolence in the end.
I wrote‘Grief Is Only Suppressed Gratitude’ to invite others to see that there is another perspective of grief where you find an overarching gift at the end, which is filled with gratitude the more it's entertained. (No one tells you this)
The gift of loss and death is so widely misunderstood and is only here for us to feel deeper into the grace of being alive.
Danielle Kean-Grassi is a Certified Anxiety Strategist & Certified Mental and Emotional Coach. Danielle’s written work has appeared in mental health blogs such as Succeed Now and she has spoken about anxiety and emotional development on podcasts and live interviews. Her experience with the passing of her mother led her on the path to self-growth and emotional development. She currently lives in Olney, Maryland with her husband, Matt.
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